2010 was all about peace. It was a worthy goal. Just having that one word lingering in my mind for the year was empowering. Although I frequently fall short of all that I want to accomplish, I love the idea of choosing one word for the new year and using it as a platform for improvement.
This year, I pondered what I should focus on and was left with a big blank. What word encapsulates what I hope to achieve this year? Then, it came to me. Softly and resolutely. Home.
I need to focus on home, in the literal and not so literal sense.
I want to stop looking at our house as the land of "what could have been" or the "if only I had's." I will be content with what it is and make it a more functional and beautiful space. We never imagined we'd still be here with three young children, but this is how it is and there's no looking back. The time for wishing for a bigger and better home is past. It's time to embrace the tiny house and stop being at war with what it is. This won't be easy with a budget that really doesn't have any room for "extras" or with three little boys and two old white couches... Luckily, I have a talented, design-savvy husband to work together with in all of these home improvement endeavors.
I want my boys to take more responsibility for the upkeep of our home. I want them to learn to clean and to take care of our living spaces. They are capable of so much more than I normally give them credit for. I want a more effective cleaning routine for myself.
I am going to make it work. I will not expect perfection, but I will work towards a better dwelling.
The most important thing that I want to work on is creating a better home for my family in the emotional and spiritual sense. A soft place to land, a safe harbor, a space for listening and learning and loving. I want to be present for them. I want to feel the Spirit here.
I want my home to be full and happy. I want it to be a welcoming space where I want to linger and not run from. I've spent a lot of years running from the reality of being in charge of my space and being accountable for raising my family without dependence on others. My default mode it to go somewhere else: take the kids to the park, to story time, to my parents' home. While this is a good thing at times (I do love my extended family and appreciate all that they do for us), I am beginning to realize that I want to create memories in my own abode. After a week of Christmas away from home and all of the hustle and bustle and letting other people set the agenda, I realize that I sometimes let life slip through my fingers and I've been counting on others to fill in the spaces. No more. I want to consciously do things and find opportunities to strengthen my family bonds. I will work in harmony with my husband to strengthen our family. We will continue to develop habits that will bring us together, such as prayer, scripture study, FHE, and just spending quality time with our family. I want my children to know that I love them and I am listening. Because I am and I will.
I admit, this is a lofty goal, and one I know I won't accomplish in a year. However, I know that I can create a better home, in partnership with my husband and with a lot of divine help.