Thursday, October 20, 2011

Note to Self: Water Bottles and Bathrooms

Dear Self,

Remember several years ago when Mr. One had a banner day and ate out of the garbage can, then followed that up with lapping water out of the toilet like a puppy?  Remember how you recognized that many a child has taken a drink out of the toilet?  You figured that this would be the worst of it.

Oh how you were wrong.

You didn't know Mr. Three then.

Don't assume that Mr. Three swishing an empty plastic water bottle in the toilet will be the worst of your toddler potty woes.  Especially when you foolishly leave said dirty water bottle in the bathroom garbage can.

Remember that Mr. Three is an expert when it comes to sneaking into the bathroom to wreak watery havoc.  Do not allow him to creep into the bathroom, when an older brother is using the commode.  The sound of an opening toilet lid should be your alarm to run and collect Mr. Three or you will very soon have to deal with this unpleasant scene.

Start with Mr. Two yelling something about a toilet and a water bottle and drinking.  You will rush in to see Mr. Three with a full water bottle (assume there has not been a prior reassuring flush), drinking away.  You will then yell for him to stop drinking, scaring your toddler sufficiently so that he will spray water all over your bathroom floor and himself (but at least he will stop drinking).   You will then have to delay getting everyone into the car to pick up Mr. Three from school so that you can clean up your toilet water-soaked child.

Then brace yourself to explain to the principal and fellow teachers (with lots of laughing from both parties) why you are slightly late picking up your first grader, as you had to sanitize your toddler before securing him in the car.  (Forget about sanitizing the bathroom for now.)  Thank goodness they will have a sense of humor and understand (being parents themselves).

Oh, and thank goodness at least you had cleaned the commode earlier that morning...


  1. Wait, so was it just water, then? Either way, gross Mr. Three.

  2. You really need to stop letting him get his advice from Bear Grylls. Or at least to understand that hanging out at home does not constitute an emergency situation.

  3. I am still laughing from when you told this story in person! hahahahahahaha :)m