We just found out that baby #4 is going to be....
another little Mr.
I will admit, I cried when I saw the proof and I was disappointed. Maybe a tad angry.
I know this is selfish and narrow minded, but it's how I felt and I'm being honest.
I have always wanted a little girl, and now it seems those dreams may never be realized.
I drowned my sadness in potatoes that day (potato casserole and baked Lays potato chips) and a good cry. I called my close friend and cousin who also has four little boys and we chatted about being daughter-less and the joys and pitfalls of being surrounded by males all day.
I began to feel better. I tried to unloose the grip that self-pity had on me.
The thing that really helped the most was sincere prayer and reflection on the blessings that are already in front of me. I have four healthy boys. I have a loving husband. I know I am a daughter of God. I know the Savior loves me and has suffered not only my sins, but my sorrows and pain. I have family and friends who love me. I have a safe home and faith to cling to in difficult times. I have scriptures to study and inspire me. I have lots of chocolate left over from Halloween. I could go on.
Then, yesterday, I gave away all the boxes of little girl clothes that I had been keeping (hand me downs from a good friend that I had just in case). I think this started out being the hardest thing of all because it was an acknowledgement that we may never have a daughter. Then, when I handed them over to friends I knew needed them for their daughters, I felt so much better. Literally, a load was lightened.
Now, I look forward to seeing this new babe. To touch his soft face and hear those newborn noises. To feed and diaper and hold him close. I am truly excited. He is already loved. I am blessed.