another little Mr.
I will admit, I cried when I saw the proof and I was disappointed. Maybe a tad angry.
I know this is selfish and narrow minded, but it's how I felt and I'm being honest.
I have always wanted a little girl, and now it seems those dreams may never be realized.
I drowned my sadness in potatoes that day (potato casserole and baked Lays potato chips) and a good cry. I called my close friend and cousin who also has four little boys and we chatted about being daughter-less and the joys and pitfalls of being surrounded by males all day.
I began to feel better. I tried to unloose the grip that self-pity had on me.
The thing that really helped the most was sincere prayer and reflection on the blessings that are already in front of me. I have four healthy boys. I have a loving husband. I know I am a daughter of God. I know the Savior loves me and has suffered not only my sins, but my sorrows and pain. I have family and friends who love me. I have a safe home and faith to cling to in difficult times. I have scriptures to study and inspire me. I have lots of chocolate left over from Halloween. I could go on.
Then, yesterday, I gave away all the boxes of little girl clothes that I had been keeping (hand me downs from a good friend that I had just in case). I think this started out being the hardest thing of all because it was an acknowledgement that we may never have a daughter. Then, when I handed them over to friends I knew needed them for their daughters, I felt so much better. Literally, a load was lightened.
Now, I look forward to seeing this new babe. To touch his soft face and hear those newborn noises. To feed and diaper and hold him close. I am truly excited. He is already loved. I am blessed.
I think it is okay to cry. Sometimes we have to let go of something we really wanted. I think boys are harder when they are young and easier as they get older. And who knows, maybe when this one goes off to kindergarten, you may decide you want another. I had Jordon when I was 37, and what a blessing he has been.
ReplyDeleteI was touched by your honest emotions about it all. You are such a great mother, to be trusted with four future missionaries and priesthood bearers! What a blessing.
ReplyDeleteOh girl! I am laughing and crying with you! At least your boys are as pretty as girls! :)
ReplyDeleteYou make such cute, fun boys! We are excited to have a new little nephew/cousin!
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